Can You Involve Your Child in Euthanasia?
“Where were you when daddy died?” I asked Timo.
“I was playing at my friend’s house.”
“Did you know daddy would die while you were there?”
His head tilted downward, and with a soft voice he whispered, “Yes.”
I picture how that must have been. Timo, playing at his friend’s house. What went through his mind while he played? Was he able to immerse himself in the game, or did he keep imagining what was happening at home? And then, the moment he walked back into his house—the door opens, and suddenly he is surrounded by deeply grieving people.
This is not a one-off story. Many parents face this painful question: Euthanasia is about to take place—what is wise for my child? Can you involve your child in euthanasia?
Why Involving a Child Can Help the Grief Process
I am asked this question often—not only by parents, but also by professionals. It is a subject full of uncertainty, sensitivity, and emotion. What I have consistently seen in my work with grieving children is this: they are often far more resilient than we expect, and involving them in the process can significantly support their grieving.
Parents’ hesitation is understandable. The idea of involving a child in something as profound as euthanasia feels overwhelming. Yet even if children are not physically present at the moment of euthanasia, they can still be included in the process. That begins with clear and honest communication: explaining what euthanasia is, what will happen, and why it is necessary. This helps prevent confusion and gives children a framework to understand what is unfolding in their family.
How to Involve a Child in Euthanasia
How can parents approach this? What advice can you, as a professional, give when parents are considering whether to involve their child?
- Give honest, age-appropriate explanations.
Tell them what euthanasia means, what will happen, and who will be present. - Explain that no treatment is left.
Many children fear that a new medicine might appear “next week.” Clarifying that all options have been exhausted provides peace of mind. - Prepare them for what to expect.
For example: “Daddy will receive an injection that makes him fall asleep. Then there will be another injection that stops his heart.” (Always ensure parents confirm this wording with the doctor, or ask the doctor to explain it themselves.) - Provide support nearby.
Advise parents to have someone in the house whose only role is to support the child. This way, if the child wants to leave the room, there is someone available, and the parent can remain present during the death. - Offer children a choice.
When possible, let children decide if they want to be there. This can be difficult—children often mirror the tension of the parent asking the question. Keep the conversation calm, not heavy, so the child feels safe making a choice.
Experiences of Children Attending Euthanasia
The decision whether to involve a child in euthanasia is never easy. But with careful preparation and guidance, it can bring a sense of connection and belonging. In my practice, I have never seen children traumatized by attending euthanasia. On the contrary—many describe it as a meaningful, even peaceful moment of saying goodbye.
Ultimately, involving children is about careful preparation, honest communication, and above all: listening to what feels right for the child. The parent makes the final decision. Yet giving children the opportunity to be included often affirms their importance within the family and in the farewell process.
For further guidance, my colleagues Carine Kappeyne van de Coppello and Greetje van Treeck have written an excellent book: “How to Prepare and Support Children When a Loved One Chooses Euthanasia”—full of practical tips and thoughtful advice.