What Does Contact With the Deceased Do? All Contact is Broken
What is so devastating about life after the death of a loved one, is that all contact is broken. Research on the grieving brain has already shown how complex it is for our minds to truly grasp that someone is gone.
We try everything to push away this unbearable truth. But slowly, we can no longer deny reality: it is what it is.
The Diet Analogy
Have you ever been on a diet? Or tried to unlearn a bad habit? Then you know the paradox: the more something is forbidden, the more you crave it — until your brain finally adjusts. You’re on a diet, you can’t have that cookie, and suddenly it’s all you think about. You forget that it gives you a sugar crash, a bad aftertaste, and makes you crave even more cookies.
Longing for the Deceased
It’s the same with not being able to reach the deceased. Even if — while alive — you didn’t want to see or speak to them anymore, after death the longing for contact often overwhelms everything. It may sound blunt, but feel it for a moment: the realization that now it truly is impossible can be devastating.
Talking to Photo Frames
That’s often why grieving people fill their homes with photos of the deceased. They talk to those frames, sometimes watch videos (less often, because it can be too painful), and speak into an empty room, hoping their loved one might hear them. It’s all about wanting contact.
Visiting a Medium
Maybe you’ve done it yourself, or heard about it: visiting a medium. Some people dismiss it entirely, while others find deep comfort. In my practice, I notice how powerful it can be for people to “hear something” from their deceased loved one. It brings peace, answers questions, and eases longing.
I often work with Lisette Lucas, an excellent medium who helps bridge the unseen world and those left behind in grief.
Healing for the Deceased Too
It may sound unusual, but spiritual mediumship also serves the deceased. On “the other side,” they too may have unfinished business. Healing flows both ways — for the living and the dead.
Deepfake Therapy
As you may know, I also work with deepfake therapy. Here, the bereaved meet their deceased loved one through advanced computer software. A photo is animated so the person appears to move, while Lisette Lucas provides the voice.
It may sound bizarre — and I get that. But time and again I witness how much comfort and peace it brings. Soon, Lisette and I will collaborate again for a scientific documentary, showing how two people use this method to reconnect.
Criticism Around Contact With the Deceased
I often face criticism: “You shouldn’t do this to the bereaved.” To which I always reply: “Just because your loved one has died, doesn’t mean you’ve lost your intelligence. You know what you can and cannot handle.”
Others claim it’s a scam. But we’re open and transparent about what we do, how it works, and what it isn’t. People know exactly what’s happening. They’ll take from it what helps them — just as with visiting a medium.
Does Ongoing Contact Block Grief?
Some argue that ongoing contact prevents grief. I strongly disagree. In 25 years of working with the bereaved, I’ve seen that keeping photos, talking to them, even visiting mediums — all of these fade over time. People do come to accept death. These rituals often serve as stepping stones, not barriers.
Research Confirms It
A study called Description and Impact of Encounters With Deceased Partners or Spouses found that 30–34% of grieving people have at least one after-death encounter. Of 70 participants surveyed:
- 40% reported faster “healing” (whatever that may mean).
- 43% said it significantly impacted their grieving process.
- 40% experienced less sadness.
- 47% felt it helped them accept the loss.
These findings highlight the therapeutic potential of after-death contact, despite varied experiences.
Keep Talking to the Deceased
So — don’t worry if your client still talks to their deceased loved one. Let them keep the photos, the memories, the conversations. It helps. Whether through mediums, deepfake therapy, or simply speaking aloud — contact with the deceased offers the brain a bridge toward acceptance.
It doesn’t block grief. It supports it.